I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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