I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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