It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
