Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I would fuck him just for his dog
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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