Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
