Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
