I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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