My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
