The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
