so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
