yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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