so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
