i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
