i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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