you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
