what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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