what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
