Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
