He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
