So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
