dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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