Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
