i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
