i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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