dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
