make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
