You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
