I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
