I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I believe in your delicious
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
