he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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