K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
