I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
