I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
