I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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