my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
