nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
