Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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