I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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