You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The power of my boobs compel you
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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