i dont even know how to be here
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
