I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
