This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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