Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
