I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
