He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think my moral compass just broke
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
