She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
