You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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