She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
