woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
