How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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