soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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