but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize