Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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