the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
