just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
sex in a hospital.. check
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
