They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
this is an emotional support booty call
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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