I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
