Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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